Talk about an interesting week and weekend. Yesterday was my Mistress' birthday, so even though I told her several times yesterday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISTRESS! :) I am so very happy that she had a good birthday and that she had that beautiful smile on her face all day long. That makes me happier than anything right now.
The days leading up to her birthday were filled with family things for both her and myself. I had to help my sister with planning and shopping for things for my niece's upcoming birthday party for this next weekend. It's been a while since my sister, niece and myself have been able to have time out alone and it was a blast! We were all completely wore out by the time we got home, but still it was a great day. I was also able to get a few small things for my Mistress while we were out. My family doesn't know the type of relationship I'm involved in, so it was fun to buy my Mistress something right in front of my sister and know she had no idea who it was for or what it was about. That little air of secrecy and fear of being caught.
As my last few blogs have stated, I had been somewhat "down" or not my normal self and my Mistress and I are trying to figure out what exactly is going on with that. We haven't had as much time together lately as we normally do, but I truly do not believe that has anything to do with it. I think it's hormonal and something inside me, not something that is caused by anything external. I know one day last week, I had the urge to ask Mistress to slap me across the face, which she knows I am so totally not into. (It's fine for some, just not my thing.) I never asked her, because the feeling went away. But then over the weekend, I felt like asking her if she would make me cry, which I've never done before and actually scares me. I don't always think (for me) it's healthy to go that route. I know how I am and I tend to internalize everything and turn things around to make it into something that is shouldn't be and way bigger than it was intended. I make it personal. And I know quite well that I don't ever want Mistress to do something that I feel I need and then switch it around so that it's like I'm a victim. That's not right at all. And I know my Mistress does not wish that at all either. I did ask her last night, though, if I ever asked her to make me cry, if she would. We had a good talk about it and I found out that it truly depends on the reasons behind it, basically meaning that it can't be because I want an "excuse" to tear myself down, which I am not suppose to do anyhow. And I told her how I had wanted to ask her slap me as well.
Still, I think it all goes back to my hormones, which I think are messed up royally. I feel so out of control of my emotions lately, and even myself, in a way. There are some things that Dominants just can't control, and that's one of them. Sure, they can do things to try and improve them, but ultimately they can't control another person's emotions.
I had recently expressed to my Mistress that I feel like she gives me the world and I give her very little in return. Come to find out, she doesn't feel that way at all and has worried that she doesn't give enough to me. Honestly? That shocked the heck out of me! I truly feel as though she gives me everything I need, as well as most everything I want. She's not a cruel, harsh Mistress. She is actually very caring and loving, and I love that about her. (That's not to say that when I step out of line, she doesn't quickly get me back where I am suppose to be, because she does, and quite well!) We came to an agreement that we will both stop our negative thinking regarding that and trust one another that we are fulfilling each other's needs and even beyond that. She also suggested that I try another vitamin (is it a vitamin, or just an herb? I'm not sure.) in addition to the B Complex I've been taking, in the hopes of giving me more energy and improving my moods. So tomorrow after work I am going to buy some St. John's Wort and start taking that as well. We both know I need to see a Dr., but we also both know that I have no insurance and very little money at the moment, so for now, we need to try to find other ways to help myself, until I can get to a good Dr.
Our conversation was a very good one and today I feel more...grounded. And my hope is that she and I will always continue to talk as well as we do about everything, so that no matter what bumps may come our way, we can work through them together. I am so grateful that she is so big on communication and honesty, just as I am. I believe those two things alone can make or break a relationship.
Mistress - thank you so much for all you have done for me and continue to do. I am so glad that our paths finally matched up as they have so that we might enjoy this journey we're on together. You've given me and taught me so much more than you realize and it is because of the love and care I feel from you, that I am able to get through the difficult days, because I know that no matter what, you are still there. I love you and your guts to the moon and back times infinity. You are ~my~ perfect Mistress.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Just a little something
I think I should start thinking up some topics to write about for Wednesday's, because when I just wrote on Monday's it is a little hard sometimes to think of what to say. Not much time passes between the two days and when I work all day on Tuesday, well, that's all that has really happened. Hehe. I'll run it by my Mistress, and see what she thinks.
As far as the schedule and routines go, I think they're going pretty well. I've been extremely tired since starting them, and that's not boding well with me. I've been getting close to or at the least 8 hours of sleep every night, but still I'm just wiped out. Mistress and I are going to talk about it today (so long as time allows) and see if maybe moving some things around in my schedule might help. At least that is what I am hoping. I've felt a little less than my normal self the past few days (actually not yesterday, nor today) and I am thinking it has to do with how tired I am and that I should be pms'ing, but I'm not yet, for some reason.
However, other than the tired thing, everything really has been going well. I've totally amazed myself with drinking so much water and a LOT less tea. Now when I do have a glass of tea, I totally savor it! :) I've also surprised myself with the masturbation thing because before I had a set amount or times that I had to do it, I really didn't do it all that often. Maybe once every two weeks, if that much. And now, she has me doing it three times a week. Plus over the weekend, I even asked if I could do it Saturday night (which is after I did Friday night and would be again Sunday, so three nights in a row. haha, think it's a record for me). She gave me permission and I'm still thankful for that. I think having to play with myself every time I pee is helping with that, as much I really did not want to admit that. (Don't ask me why, because I'm not even sure.)
The bathing/morning routine and bedtime routine are easy to get into, and really the bedtime seems to be shorter than she has it in my schedule, but I know that's just because I've been more aware of where I leave things (plates and such) if I eat somewhere other than the kitchen and as soon as I'm done, I return them to the kitchen, rinse them off and put in the dishwasher. And also, sometimes when I'm chatting online before doing the bedtime routine, if I go to the bathroom I sometimes will end up brushing my teeth and washing my face as well as moisturizing right then. A time saver, maybe? A lot of times I don't even think about it, until I start my bedtime routine and realize that I already did it.
Well, I suppose that is all for now. Hopefully, I'll have more come Monday. Until then - be well, readers.
As far as the schedule and routines go, I think they're going pretty well. I've been extremely tired since starting them, and that's not boding well with me. I've been getting close to or at the least 8 hours of sleep every night, but still I'm just wiped out. Mistress and I are going to talk about it today (so long as time allows) and see if maybe moving some things around in my schedule might help. At least that is what I am hoping. I've felt a little less than my normal self the past few days (actually not yesterday, nor today) and I am thinking it has to do with how tired I am and that I should be pms'ing, but I'm not yet, for some reason.
However, other than the tired thing, everything really has been going well. I've totally amazed myself with drinking so much water and a LOT less tea. Now when I do have a glass of tea, I totally savor it! :) I've also surprised myself with the masturbation thing because before I had a set amount or times that I had to do it, I really didn't do it all that often. Maybe once every two weeks, if that much. And now, she has me doing it three times a week. Plus over the weekend, I even asked if I could do it Saturday night (which is after I did Friday night and would be again Sunday, so three nights in a row. haha, think it's a record for me). She gave me permission and I'm still thankful for that. I think having to play with myself every time I pee is helping with that, as much I really did not want to admit that. (Don't ask me why, because I'm not even sure.)
The bathing/morning routine and bedtime routine are easy to get into, and really the bedtime seems to be shorter than she has it in my schedule, but I know that's just because I've been more aware of where I leave things (plates and such) if I eat somewhere other than the kitchen and as soon as I'm done, I return them to the kitchen, rinse them off and put in the dishwasher. And also, sometimes when I'm chatting online before doing the bedtime routine, if I go to the bathroom I sometimes will end up brushing my teeth and washing my face as well as moisturizing right then. A time saver, maybe? A lot of times I don't even think about it, until I start my bedtime routine and realize that I already did it.
Well, I suppose that is all for now. Hopefully, I'll have more come Monday. Until then - be well, readers.
Monday, September 22, 2008
I'm late!
Yes, I'm two hours late even getting this blog entry started, however it absolutely could not be helped. I had to take care of a family emergency that took place earlier in the day and didn't get home in time to write when I was suppose to, and then I had to take care of something else with my family, because apparently today was a day for everyone to need ~me~. Now, I'm just completely exhausted and am hoping I can get to bed before my bed time tonight. I'm just not sure I can make it until 9:45pm to slip under the covers.
So, how have the past days been going you ask? Well, Tuesdays and Thursdays are the easiest days to follow the schedule, because I'm working most of the day, so Thursday went well and I had a great day at work! :) Then, it was either Friday or Saturday, I honestly can't remember which, but I had a difficult day because I'd had a bad dream the night before and woke up feeling sick to my stomach over it. I think that was Friday, now that I think about it more. And then over the weekend, I was just a little blah. I felt a little...depressed, but I am thinking that I'm pms'ing, or will be soon enough. Oh joy! :) Seriously, if that is what is going on with me, then I'm going to approach it with a different attitude than I normally do. I am determined not to let it get me down how it normally does. I have little people around here depending on me and I refuse to take out my crankiness on them!
Well, so then we get to today and today's schedule didn't go at all how it was suppose to. Which is why I'm just now writing in my blog.
Apart from that today, I'm in fairly good spirits, because I feel like even though I didn't do the job hunting that I was suppose to do, and that I had totally planned out, I believe I was productive in other ways and was able to really help my family out. So I'm happy about that. I'm glad I was available to help them when they needed it.
Also, I won't talk about this all that much here, because I don't want it to take over this blog. However, I lost four and a half pounds over the past week, which I'm totally stoked about, and I've been keeping up with that blog and my other blog. I'm also proud of myself for those things. I know this might sound odd, considering ultimately my Mistress is in control of me, but I feel like I've been in more control of my life recently, because she's given me the tools to succeed. So really, it's because of her control over me and my trust and faith in her, and hers in me, that I could accomplish what I have. I kind of wonder if that makes sense to anyone else? She gave me the tools and has been pushing me, and I've been doing the things I need to do in order to get the jobs done and move forward with my life. It's comforting to me, actually.
Hmm, to really think about it like that makes me see things differently, even now. The past few days I've felt like I haven't really done anything for my Mistress and that bothers me. In a sense, I have because I've kept up with the schedule, routines and rules she set out for me to follow as best I could while going about daily life and things that crop up out of nowhere. Basically, that means that I've done nothing at all to harm the faith and trust she has in me and in our relationship. :) Yay! That makes me very happy. Now to do something personally for her! I'm actually working on making something for her, for her birthday that is this coming Sunday! It just won't be done by then. I didn't get the idea for it in time to have it completed by then, but I will still finish it. I love doing little things for my Mistress.
So, how have the past days been going you ask? Well, Tuesdays and Thursdays are the easiest days to follow the schedule, because I'm working most of the day, so Thursday went well and I had a great day at work! :) Then, it was either Friday or Saturday, I honestly can't remember which, but I had a difficult day because I'd had a bad dream the night before and woke up feeling sick to my stomach over it. I think that was Friday, now that I think about it more. And then over the weekend, I was just a little blah. I felt a little...depressed, but I am thinking that I'm pms'ing, or will be soon enough. Oh joy! :) Seriously, if that is what is going on with me, then I'm going to approach it with a different attitude than I normally do. I am determined not to let it get me down how it normally does. I have little people around here depending on me and I refuse to take out my crankiness on them!
Well, so then we get to today and today's schedule didn't go at all how it was suppose to. Which is why I'm just now writing in my blog.
Apart from that today, I'm in fairly good spirits, because I feel like even though I didn't do the job hunting that I was suppose to do, and that I had totally planned out, I believe I was productive in other ways and was able to really help my family out. So I'm happy about that. I'm glad I was available to help them when they needed it.
Also, I won't talk about this all that much here, because I don't want it to take over this blog. However, I lost four and a half pounds over the past week, which I'm totally stoked about, and I've been keeping up with that blog and my other blog. I'm also proud of myself for those things. I know this might sound odd, considering ultimately my Mistress is in control of me, but I feel like I've been in more control of my life recently, because she's given me the tools to succeed. So really, it's because of her control over me and my trust and faith in her, and hers in me, that I could accomplish what I have. I kind of wonder if that makes sense to anyone else? She gave me the tools and has been pushing me, and I've been doing the things I need to do in order to get the jobs done and move forward with my life. It's comforting to me, actually.
Hmm, to really think about it like that makes me see things differently, even now. The past few days I've felt like I haven't really done anything for my Mistress and that bothers me. In a sense, I have because I've kept up with the schedule, routines and rules she set out for me to follow as best I could while going about daily life and things that crop up out of nowhere. Basically, that means that I've done nothing at all to harm the faith and trust she has in me and in our relationship. :) Yay! That makes me very happy. Now to do something personally for her! I'm actually working on making something for her, for her birthday that is this coming Sunday! It just won't be done by then. I didn't get the idea for it in time to have it completed by then, but I will still finish it. I love doing little things for my Mistress.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Korean Faucets
Oh, I just love when my Mistress and I share something that has absolutely nothing to do with anything and we both crack ourselves up for hours on end over it. That's exactly what Korean Faucets are to us. (No, it is NOT a slam against Koreans, or faucets.) You know how you will be in the middle of a conversation and someone says something totally off the wall that has nothing to do with the actual conversation, and then everyone cracks up laughing? That's what the faucet thing is all about. It's hard to explain what I mean without telling the entire conversation, which I don't want to do because I want to keep it just to my Mistress and myself. It wasn't even personal, but now it's kind of like our little joke. And it made us both laugh really hard for a very long time.
Anyhow, not much has happened since Monday for me. Monday I was sick and yesterday was a difficult day for me because I just wasn't feeling 100% yet. My Mistress also had a difficult day yesterday (which I won't go into as it's not my place). We talked about all of the things that happened with her day last night and for once I feel like I may have helped her destress. I know she would say that I've helped her before now and I'm sure she's right. I just feel like so much of the time it is her helping me calm down over things in life and I always wish that I could repay her for all she does for me. That's what this life is all about though, right? A give and take on both sides. Finding a balance in everything that fits the current situation. That's not to say that she's not always the dominant one, because she is and I am always the submissive one. It's just how it is. But even in that, there is a balancing act going on as every day we have to figure out just how dominant or how submissive to be based on whatever is taking place at the time. Or maybe it's not that we're "more or less" dominant or submissive, but how much we're able to show it outwardly. Because really, no matter what she is always dominant and I am always submissive. Those aren't variable, they're constants.
Wow, I think I just confused myself.
Anyways, I am still loving my new schedule. I am struggling somewhat with the bedtime and waking times because even when I've gone to bed before the bedtime, I'm still really tired when I wake up the next morning. But I know that in time I will get used to it and be totally cool with it, it's just a matter of retraining my body. Other than that, everything else with it I am totally cool with. Well, the shaving thing has been, hm, a challenge. I've never really been one to shave my pubic area on a regular basis and when I have, I've just shaved all of it. However, that isn't what Mistress wants me to do. I am not sure how to do what she wants and even though I looked it up online and talked to her about it before I tried it, I messed it up really badly and ended up taking it all off. I asked her if I could just remove all the hair all the time and her reaction still makes me giggle. She laughed when I asked that and then said no! I don't know why it amuses me so much, but it does. Yet again, she pointed out to me that I am still struggling with asking for help. I know I am and I hate that. I just have a hard time getting past needing help in the first place. But I'm trying still to get past that and I will. So, this coming Saturday, I have a feeling I'll get a lesson in...shaving. At my age, I should know how to do it! That's my first thought, but then how can anyone know how to do anything they haven't yet done? They can't, and don't.
Mistress says that it all comes down to trust. Trusting in her. She's right and I know it even though I don't like admitting that, simply because it means that I'm not completely putting my full and total trust in her. That bothers me, but at the same time I do know that it's a process and doesn't just happen overnight. I'll get there. I know it.
Anyhow, not much has happened since Monday for me. Monday I was sick and yesterday was a difficult day for me because I just wasn't feeling 100% yet. My Mistress also had a difficult day yesterday (which I won't go into as it's not my place). We talked about all of the things that happened with her day last night and for once I feel like I may have helped her destress. I know she would say that I've helped her before now and I'm sure she's right. I just feel like so much of the time it is her helping me calm down over things in life and I always wish that I could repay her for all she does for me. That's what this life is all about though, right? A give and take on both sides. Finding a balance in everything that fits the current situation. That's not to say that she's not always the dominant one, because she is and I am always the submissive one. It's just how it is. But even in that, there is a balancing act going on as every day we have to figure out just how dominant or how submissive to be based on whatever is taking place at the time. Or maybe it's not that we're "more or less" dominant or submissive, but how much we're able to show it outwardly. Because really, no matter what she is always dominant and I am always submissive. Those aren't variable, they're constants.
Wow, I think I just confused myself.
Anyways, I am still loving my new schedule. I am struggling somewhat with the bedtime and waking times because even when I've gone to bed before the bedtime, I'm still really tired when I wake up the next morning. But I know that in time I will get used to it and be totally cool with it, it's just a matter of retraining my body. Other than that, everything else with it I am totally cool with. Well, the shaving thing has been, hm, a challenge. I've never really been one to shave my pubic area on a regular basis and when I have, I've just shaved all of it. However, that isn't what Mistress wants me to do. I am not sure how to do what she wants and even though I looked it up online and talked to her about it before I tried it, I messed it up really badly and ended up taking it all off. I asked her if I could just remove all the hair all the time and her reaction still makes me giggle. She laughed when I asked that and then said no! I don't know why it amuses me so much, but it does. Yet again, she pointed out to me that I am still struggling with asking for help. I know I am and I hate that. I just have a hard time getting past needing help in the first place. But I'm trying still to get past that and I will. So, this coming Saturday, I have a feeling I'll get a lesson in...shaving. At my age, I should know how to do it! That's my first thought, but then how can anyone know how to do anything they haven't yet done? They can't, and don't.
Mistress says that it all comes down to trust. Trusting in her. She's right and I know it even though I don't like admitting that, simply because it means that I'm not completely putting my full and total trust in her. That bothers me, but at the same time I do know that it's a process and doesn't just happen overnight. I'll get there. I know it.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Hurricane Ike
Well, the hurricane kind of got me off track with my schedule and even though my Mistress told me ahead of time that it was alright, it still bugs me. Not because I feel like I didn't do what I was suppose to do (since she said it was ok) but because when I'm following the schedule I feel so much more connected to her. That's not to say that I didn't feel connected to her over the weekend, because I did, it was just in a different way. I'm really not exactly sure how to explain it to be honest. We lost power for a few hours Saturday and I spent much of the weekend at my sister's house with her family (in the dark!). For the most part it was a fun weekend, aside from the stress from the storm. I made sure that I knew my submissive mantra by Friday night so that over the weekend (mainly Saturday) when I felt scared or anxious I was able to say it, even if just in my head, and would instantly feel much calmer and at peace. I'm so thankful for that.
So, Saturday and Sunday my Mistress has set aside time for me to learn more about my spirituality, given me prayer time and allowed time to learn how to become a FLY Lady. Saturday, I wasn't able to do that, but yesterday I did and I looked up information on light bringers (indigo's, crystal's, and rainbow's - if you want to know, I'd be happy to share what I've learned or give sites for you to read on your own). I found some really amazing sites out there and I hope to eventually buy some books about it so that I can read it over and over as often as I want. It's really interesting, and I know even more now that my niece is a crystal as are a few of the kids that I work with. So, I'm learning how to work with them better so as not to stifle them. I also am not certain that I was "born" an indigo. However, I believe I am one now. I used to think that you couldn't "become" one, but I read something yesterday that said that you could be, that eventually everyone's thinking will turn that way and it's all about a certain way of thinking and being.
I also was able to look up more things about being a FLY Lady and I hope to buy two of her books soon as well. She teaches you how to organize your house and get it clean and decluttered, and my house is in desparate need of that ! So, I'm looking forward to working on that (Mistress gave time for it in my schedule.)
This morning was the first morning that I did my submissive mantra with the candles I bought, and it makes a HUGE difference! I wasn't sure that it would, but it truly does. It's almost like meditating. Actually, I guess that is what I was doing - meditating on the words.
I did not go job hunting this morning as I was suppose to do. :( I woke up sick and haven't been able to leave the bathroom for much more than ten minutes at a time so far. But, I'm taking meds and hopefully will be totally better by tomorrow so I can work. I have to go to work - no other choice! I hate though that I wasn't able to get out and look for another job. I need one badly. But, I know I am motivated and will be out there Friday and I WILL find one.
Friday night, Mistress spent a lot of time with me, and allowed me to stay up way past my bedtime because I was so worried and scared about the hurricane. I have family down where it hit really badly and their homes were flooded and damaged. I wasn't afraid of that, I was afraid of losing lives, which thankfully everyone I know made it through it well. But, I'm so grateful to my Mistress for staying with me and helping me work through my fears about the hurricane, especially when I know she needed to sleep as well and I do feel guilty for taking that from her. I'm just glad shee was able to sleep later the next day!
Well, I believe that's all for now, folks. I'll be back on Wednesday!
So, Saturday and Sunday my Mistress has set aside time for me to learn more about my spirituality, given me prayer time and allowed time to learn how to become a FLY Lady. Saturday, I wasn't able to do that, but yesterday I did and I looked up information on light bringers (indigo's, crystal's, and rainbow's - if you want to know, I'd be happy to share what I've learned or give sites for you to read on your own). I found some really amazing sites out there and I hope to eventually buy some books about it so that I can read it over and over as often as I want. It's really interesting, and I know even more now that my niece is a crystal as are a few of the kids that I work with. So, I'm learning how to work with them better so as not to stifle them. I also am not certain that I was "born" an indigo. However, I believe I am one now. I used to think that you couldn't "become" one, but I read something yesterday that said that you could be, that eventually everyone's thinking will turn that way and it's all about a certain way of thinking and being.
I also was able to look up more things about being a FLY Lady and I hope to buy two of her books soon as well. She teaches you how to organize your house and get it clean and decluttered, and my house is in desparate need of that ! So, I'm looking forward to working on that (Mistress gave time for it in my schedule.)
This morning was the first morning that I did my submissive mantra with the candles I bought, and it makes a HUGE difference! I wasn't sure that it would, but it truly does. It's almost like meditating. Actually, I guess that is what I was doing - meditating on the words.
I did not go job hunting this morning as I was suppose to do. :( I woke up sick and haven't been able to leave the bathroom for much more than ten minutes at a time so far. But, I'm taking meds and hopefully will be totally better by tomorrow so I can work. I have to go to work - no other choice! I hate though that I wasn't able to get out and look for another job. I need one badly. But, I know I am motivated and will be out there Friday and I WILL find one.
Friday night, Mistress spent a lot of time with me, and allowed me to stay up way past my bedtime because I was so worried and scared about the hurricane. I have family down where it hit really badly and their homes were flooded and damaged. I wasn't afraid of that, I was afraid of losing lives, which thankfully everyone I know made it through it well. But, I'm so grateful to my Mistress for staying with me and helping me work through my fears about the hurricane, especially when I know she needed to sleep as well and I do feel guilty for taking that from her. I'm just glad shee was able to sleep later the next day!
Well, I believe that's all for now, folks. I'll be back on Wednesday!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Progress
Well, when my Mistress first gave me my schedule and routines, my first thought was "there's not enough time in the day!" even though she had given exact times for everything. I was skeptical, right at first, meaning the very first time I read through it. Then I read it again and realized that the things she had on the schedule weren't difficult things to accomplish, nor were most of them all that time consuming. In other words, it can be done, quite easily, for the most part, and in the time she specified.
So, yesterday was my first day to live by the schedule she mapped out for me, and I actually did everything she wished! Today, the same thing. However, this morning, I realized that I had switched the first two things both days and didn't even know it until I looked at the schedule at about 10am. Since I was a little girl, we always woke up and immediately took a bath, then had breakfast. But Mistress wishes for me to have breakfast, and then a bath. Not a huge thing, right? Right. I just have reprogram myself to do it that way. So tomorrow, I WILL! Now that I realized today that I was switching them, I'm much more aware of it and will be sure to do it right tomorrow morning.
I was also a little worried about the water drinking, however I've had absolutely no problem with it so far. The thing I had trouble with today was actually taking my vitamin. I've never been good at swallowing pills, especially ones that I can taste as soon as they go in my mouth, which is why I always put liquid in my mouth, then the pill and then quickly drink more to force it down. But for some reason this morning the pill's taste was overly strong (they stink too!) and after gagging a few times, I was finally able to get it down. But by that point I had the taste all over my mouth and had to keep drinking to get it to go away. Geez, pill taking should not be so hard! hehe.
Oh yes, there is another thing that I struggled with today, inwardly at least. And that was waking up at 6am. I actually went to sleep before Mistress had scheduled for me too last night (skipped chatting online - which isn't a must.) because I pretty tired and I woke up two minutes before my alarm was to go off this morning. When I rolled over and glanced at the clock, I groaned and whimpered. I did not want to get up. I wanted to keep sleeping. After all, I didn't have anything "important" to do today, right? *scoffs at my own thoughts* I thought, very briefly, that I would just turn my alarm off and keep sleeping. Mistress would never know the difference, if I didn't tell her, right? Most likely. However, I would know and I know it would eat away at me until I fessed up and the punishment from that would be much worse than the fun I would have had sleeping in.
So, I turned my alarm off, before it even went off (a minute 'till - see all that took place in one minute!) and got out of bed. I was dragging for about two hours, but then got into the swing of things and have been going strong ever since.
I couldn't have slept in. It all comes down to respect, and trust. My Mistress is trusting me to follow the schedule and routines and to let her know when I don't. If I slept in and didn't tell her, that would be like telling her first off that I don't care about her rules, nor about our relationship, or anything she has to say, period. Essentially, I would have been telling her that I don't care about ~her~, and that just simply is NOT the case. I love my Mistress and wish to always make her proud of me, and happy in the things that I do. Being submissive doesn't mean that you always get your way, or that you always do things that you want or like. Did I like getting up early? Not at all. But I did it, and am now very happy that I did, because I didn't do anything to put a wedge of distrust in our relationship. I did it because I respect and love my Mistress and I know that she has only my best interest at heart. I do worry that when she reads this (or when I tell her - whichever comes first) that she might be upset that I even had those thoughts. Who could blame her though, truthfully?
Well, so, once I was up and about the house, I cleaned up my room. I still have more to do, sometime soon, but at least I can see my floor! And I got rid of a LOT of stuff. I still have tons more to go through and decide what I want to keep and what I wish to toss, just like every other room of the house too. I've also kept up on the laundry today and have just one more load, I think. Maybe two. (There were LOTS of towels, sheesh.) All the dishes are ready to be put in the dishwasher, as soon as I empty it when I'm finished posting this and start on dinner.
All in all, I'm proud of myself for sticking with it.
I also have a submissive mantra to learn. Mistress says I have three weeks (from Monday - so Sept. 29th) to learn it all and so far I know about half of it already. I love learning it. I love saying it during my morning routine as well. It makes me focus on myself and my submission before my day gets started really well. And I think it has been helping the day run more smoothly. I'm not sure yet if I will post my mantra on here or not. I need to talk to my Mistress about it and see what she thinks about doing that. I kind of feel like it's a very personal thing and am not sure that I am totally comfortable with sharing that, just yet at least. So, we'll see.
I guess that's it for now. I won't blog here again until next Monday, as I will be blogging here every Monday and Wednesday unless Mistress tells me otherwise.
Until then, be well bloggers!
So, yesterday was my first day to live by the schedule she mapped out for me, and I actually did everything she wished! Today, the same thing. However, this morning, I realized that I had switched the first two things both days and didn't even know it until I looked at the schedule at about 10am. Since I was a little girl, we always woke up and immediately took a bath, then had breakfast. But Mistress wishes for me to have breakfast, and then a bath. Not a huge thing, right? Right. I just have reprogram myself to do it that way. So tomorrow, I WILL! Now that I realized today that I was switching them, I'm much more aware of it and will be sure to do it right tomorrow morning.
I was also a little worried about the water drinking, however I've had absolutely no problem with it so far. The thing I had trouble with today was actually taking my vitamin. I've never been good at swallowing pills, especially ones that I can taste as soon as they go in my mouth, which is why I always put liquid in my mouth, then the pill and then quickly drink more to force it down. But for some reason this morning the pill's taste was overly strong (they stink too!) and after gagging a few times, I was finally able to get it down. But by that point I had the taste all over my mouth and had to keep drinking to get it to go away. Geez, pill taking should not be so hard! hehe.
Oh yes, there is another thing that I struggled with today, inwardly at least. And that was waking up at 6am. I actually went to sleep before Mistress had scheduled for me too last night (skipped chatting online - which isn't a must.) because I pretty tired and I woke up two minutes before my alarm was to go off this morning. When I rolled over and glanced at the clock, I groaned and whimpered. I did not want to get up. I wanted to keep sleeping. After all, I didn't have anything "important" to do today, right? *scoffs at my own thoughts* I thought, very briefly, that I would just turn my alarm off and keep sleeping. Mistress would never know the difference, if I didn't tell her, right? Most likely. However, I would know and I know it would eat away at me until I fessed up and the punishment from that would be much worse than the fun I would have had sleeping in.
So, I turned my alarm off, before it even went off (a minute 'till - see all that took place in one minute!) and got out of bed. I was dragging for about two hours, but then got into the swing of things and have been going strong ever since.
I couldn't have slept in. It all comes down to respect, and trust. My Mistress is trusting me to follow the schedule and routines and to let her know when I don't. If I slept in and didn't tell her, that would be like telling her first off that I don't care about her rules, nor about our relationship, or anything she has to say, period. Essentially, I would have been telling her that I don't care about ~her~, and that just simply is NOT the case. I love my Mistress and wish to always make her proud of me, and happy in the things that I do. Being submissive doesn't mean that you always get your way, or that you always do things that you want or like. Did I like getting up early? Not at all. But I did it, and am now very happy that I did, because I didn't do anything to put a wedge of distrust in our relationship. I did it because I respect and love my Mistress and I know that she has only my best interest at heart. I do worry that when she reads this (or when I tell her - whichever comes first) that she might be upset that I even had those thoughts. Who could blame her though, truthfully?
Well, so, once I was up and about the house, I cleaned up my room. I still have more to do, sometime soon, but at least I can see my floor! And I got rid of a LOT of stuff. I still have tons more to go through and decide what I want to keep and what I wish to toss, just like every other room of the house too. I've also kept up on the laundry today and have just one more load, I think. Maybe two. (There were LOTS of towels, sheesh.) All the dishes are ready to be put in the dishwasher, as soon as I empty it when I'm finished posting this and start on dinner.
All in all, I'm proud of myself for sticking with it.
I also have a submissive mantra to learn. Mistress says I have three weeks (from Monday - so Sept. 29th) to learn it all and so far I know about half of it already. I love learning it. I love saying it during my morning routine as well. It makes me focus on myself and my submission before my day gets started really well. And I think it has been helping the day run more smoothly. I'm not sure yet if I will post my mantra on here or not. I need to talk to my Mistress about it and see what she thinks about doing that. I kind of feel like it's a very personal thing and am not sure that I am totally comfortable with sharing that, just yet at least. So, we'll see.
I guess that's it for now. I won't blog here again until next Monday, as I will be blogging here every Monday and Wednesday unless Mistress tells me otherwise.
Until then, be well bloggers!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Schedule and Routines
It is subject to change at any time, mainly when I get another job, but also anytime my Mistress wishes to change it, so when that happens I'll post updates on the changes.
Monday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8am - job search, take lunch
Noon - break for lunch - ½ hour
2-2:30pm - return home, laundry, pick up house, dust on the go, dishes at sink
3:30pm - blog (submission)
4:15pm - bathroom and living room are cleaned, vacuumed
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed
Tuesday
5:30am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast (every other week allowed fast food breakfast)
6am - bath routine
7am - take trash out, go to work
9am - light snack
Noon - lunch - homemade
3:30-5pm - errands
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink (except every other week when doing other job, can eat out those times. If doing other job, may read in car for ½ hour and work out muscle groups)
6pm - visit my niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour (every week not doing other job)
8pm - (or when home from other job) take meds and chat online. (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:45pm - go to bed.
Wednesday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8:15am - masturbate for at least ½ hour, an hour if wrist allows (orgasm as much as time allows - NO sounds allowed!)
9:15am-noon - work online, check email and anything else needed online
Noon - eat lunch
1pm - start laundry, dust your room and pick up around the house
3-3:30pm - blog in all blogs, read other blogs if done early. No chatting!
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed
Thursday
5:45am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
6am - bath routine
7am - go to work
9am - light snack
Noon - lunch - homemade
3:30-5pm - errands (don’t have errands, you may chat online, read, etc.)
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:45pm - go to bed
Friday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8am - job hunt, take lunch
Noon - ½ break for lunch
2-2:30pm - return home, start laundry
3pm - blog (forgiveness)
4pm - organize, clean out, toss stuff, set aside for garage sale or charity
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - masturbate, two orgasms before sleeping! (NO sounds allowed!) (Sleep with tv or radio on)
Saturday
8am - wake up, weigh/measure yourself and record for blog, take vitamins, eat breakfast
9am - bath routine (shave pubic hair today), pamper yourself with bubble bath or bath fizzies
10am - deep cleaning routine
Noon - ½ break for lunch, check laundry and switch
1pm - finish deep cleaning routine
2pm - learn something new with your spirituality
3pm - RELAX! Do anything you want (chat, read, do a hobby, phone calls)
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - relax/chat online (can have a light snack)
9pm - take meds
10:45pm - bedtime routine
11-11:15pm - go to bed (sleep with tv or radio on)
Sunday
8am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast, bath routine
9am - Study to become a fly lady
Noon - half hour for lunch. Check laundry. Take pics of house to show Mistress my progress.
1pm - spiritual time - learn something new for first hour, 2nd hour can be “prayer” time.
3pm - blog (health one)
4pm - spend time with dad, if he’s home. If not, spend it with niece, taking her for a walk. Clean up the yard and weather proof the house - spend as much time outside as possible
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - start weekly menu. Prepare anything you can now.
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:15pm- masturbate - 2 orgasms (NO sounds allowed!)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed.
Bath routine
Bathe, wash hair, exfoliate, shave legs Mon, Wed, Fri, brush/floss teeth, put on make up, dry hair, style hair, get dressed, do mantra in your room, shave pubic area on Saturdays.
Bedtime routine
Set out food for next day, set out clothing for next day (iron if needed), collect all trash and dishes and wash quickly, if trash is full set the bag by the door to take out in the morning, check laundry if any, wash face, brush/floss teeth, moisturize, lotion yourself up, brush hair out and pull into ponytail, check vaporizers, put on pj’s, candles/incense are out, turn down heat or a/c, lock doors, turn all lights off (computer too!), go to sleep!
Other Rules
Wear make up daily! (powder, eye shadow, liner, mascara, blush, lip gloss, or light lipstick)
Wear some kind of shoes daily, even in the house
Wear a bra daily at least until 5pm
Every time you pee, you must play with yourself for 30 seconds
Drink 24 oz. water before you have 1 glass of tea. Try to drink 72 oz water daily (four and a half bottles of water)
Exercise daily - at least 15 mins of heart pumping, then can do yoga or something else with it
Between 8am and 3pm, Mistress is sculpting. Try not to contact her during this time unless it’s an emergency.
Monday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8am - job search, take lunch
Noon - break for lunch - ½ hour
2-2:30pm - return home, laundry, pick up house, dust on the go, dishes at sink
3:30pm - blog (submission)
4:15pm - bathroom and living room are cleaned, vacuumed
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed
Tuesday
5:30am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast (every other week allowed fast food breakfast)
6am - bath routine
7am - take trash out, go to work
9am - light snack
Noon - lunch - homemade
3:30-5pm - errands
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink (except every other week when doing other job, can eat out those times. If doing other job, may read in car for ½ hour and work out muscle groups)
6pm - visit my niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour (every week not doing other job)
8pm - (or when home from other job) take meds and chat online. (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:45pm - go to bed.
Wednesday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8:15am - masturbate for at least ½ hour, an hour if wrist allows (orgasm as much as time allows - NO sounds allowed!)
9:15am-noon - work online, check email and anything else needed online
Noon - eat lunch
1pm - start laundry, dust your room and pick up around the house
3-3:30pm - blog in all blogs, read other blogs if done early. No chatting!
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed
Thursday
5:45am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
6am - bath routine
7am - go to work
9am - light snack
Noon - lunch - homemade
3:30-5pm - errands (don’t have errands, you may chat online, read, etc.)
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:45pm - go to bed
Friday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8am - job hunt, take lunch
Noon - ½ break for lunch
2-2:30pm - return home, start laundry
3pm - blog (forgiveness)
4pm - organize, clean out, toss stuff, set aside for garage sale or charity
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - masturbate, two orgasms before sleeping! (NO sounds allowed!) (Sleep with tv or radio on)
Saturday
8am - wake up, weigh/measure yourself and record for blog, take vitamins, eat breakfast
9am - bath routine (shave pubic hair today), pamper yourself with bubble bath or bath fizzies
10am - deep cleaning routine
Noon - ½ break for lunch, check laundry and switch
1pm - finish deep cleaning routine
2pm - learn something new with your spirituality
3pm - RELAX! Do anything you want (chat, read, do a hobby, phone calls)
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - relax/chat online (can have a light snack)
9pm - take meds
10:45pm - bedtime routine
11-11:15pm - go to bed (sleep with tv or radio on)
Sunday
8am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast, bath routine
9am - Study to become a fly lady
Noon - half hour for lunch. Check laundry. Take pics of house to show Mistress my progress.
1pm - spiritual time - learn something new for first hour, 2nd hour can be “prayer” time.
3pm - blog (health one)
4pm - spend time with dad, if he’s home. If not, spend it with niece, taking her for a walk. Clean up the yard and weather proof the house - spend as much time outside as possible
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - start weekly menu. Prepare anything you can now.
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:15pm- masturbate - 2 orgasms (NO sounds allowed!)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed.
Bath routine
Bathe, wash hair, exfoliate, shave legs Mon, Wed, Fri, brush/floss teeth, put on make up, dry hair, style hair, get dressed, do mantra in your room, shave pubic area on Saturdays.
Bedtime routine
Set out food for next day, set out clothing for next day (iron if needed), collect all trash and dishes and wash quickly, if trash is full set the bag by the door to take out in the morning, check laundry if any, wash face, brush/floss teeth, moisturize, lotion yourself up, brush hair out and pull into ponytail, check vaporizers, put on pj’s, candles/incense are out, turn down heat or a/c, lock doors, turn all lights off (computer too!), go to sleep!
Other Rules
Wear make up daily! (powder, eye shadow, liner, mascara, blush, lip gloss, or light lipstick)
Wear some kind of shoes daily, even in the house
Wear a bra daily at least until 5pm
Every time you pee, you must play with yourself for 30 seconds
Drink 24 oz. water before you have 1 glass of tea. Try to drink 72 oz water daily (four and a half bottles of water)
Exercise daily - at least 15 mins of heart pumping, then can do yoga or something else with it
Between 8am and 3pm, Mistress is sculpting. Try not to contact her during this time unless it’s an emergency.
Observations and questions
Well, let's see. I've started my new job and so far it's been wonderful. A few bumps to get over here and there, but nothing that I can't handle. I've been so tired since starting though. Even though I am only working two days a week, I'm wiped out the other days as well and find myself falling asleep much earlier than what I'm used to.
Normally, that wouldn't be a huge issue, and in a way it's not. But it makes time that I get with my Mistress much less than it was before. So while I miss the time that we were able to spend before, I have realized that I'm much more grateful for the time that we do have. I think I took it for granted quite a bit before I started working. Not exactly a very submissive thing, right? I must say that my Mistress has been absolutely wonderful through it all and I'm so happy to be with her. She's listened to my stories about work and been a constant encouragement to me through everything.
In fact, we were talking two nights ago about some past relationships that I've been in and how things went in them. (She knows most of the people I've been with before, all but one of them, because as I've said before we were friends for years before we ended up switching gears and embarking on this relationship together.) One of the things that I brought up to her was how with others in my past, I would just give in and do whatever they wanted and in doing that I would lose myself and what I believe in. She watched all this happen to me and was often the one that helped me get back to who I am. And now I'm with her and I believe that I will not ever lose myself with her as I have before. She even pointed out to me that I've stood up to her with a few things (regarding my hard limits) already. This makes me feel good, because now I know that I can stand up for myself and still be submissive.
I'm just curious if others out there believe that a submissive should change who they are and what they believe in or don't believe in just to please their owners? Obviously my opinion is that it should not happen. We all have things that we like and don't like. And we all have morals and every persons morals are somewhat different from the next persons. I don't think it's right to give up those things just to make someone else happy. I think we have to always be "with it" enough to realize when we are beginning to compromise our own morals and take a step back, talk to our owner's about it and determine together how to keep ourselves in all of this. I think this also goes into becoming dependent upon our owner's which my Mistress knows is my biggest fear in these kinds of relationships. And it's also something that she refuses to allow to happen within our relationship. Another thing I'm thankful to her for.
Anyhow, if anyone has any opinions on this, I'd love to hear it.
Normally, that wouldn't be a huge issue, and in a way it's not. But it makes time that I get with my Mistress much less than it was before. So while I miss the time that we were able to spend before, I have realized that I'm much more grateful for the time that we do have. I think I took it for granted quite a bit before I started working. Not exactly a very submissive thing, right? I must say that my Mistress has been absolutely wonderful through it all and I'm so happy to be with her. She's listened to my stories about work and been a constant encouragement to me through everything.
In fact, we were talking two nights ago about some past relationships that I've been in and how things went in them. (She knows most of the people I've been with before, all but one of them, because as I've said before we were friends for years before we ended up switching gears and embarking on this relationship together.) One of the things that I brought up to her was how with others in my past, I would just give in and do whatever they wanted and in doing that I would lose myself and what I believe in. She watched all this happen to me and was often the one that helped me get back to who I am. And now I'm with her and I believe that I will not ever lose myself with her as I have before. She even pointed out to me that I've stood up to her with a few things (regarding my hard limits) already. This makes me feel good, because now I know that I can stand up for myself and still be submissive.
I'm just curious if others out there believe that a submissive should change who they are and what they believe in or don't believe in just to please their owners? Obviously my opinion is that it should not happen. We all have things that we like and don't like. And we all have morals and every persons morals are somewhat different from the next persons. I don't think it's right to give up those things just to make someone else happy. I think we have to always be "with it" enough to realize when we are beginning to compromise our own morals and take a step back, talk to our owner's about it and determine together how to keep ourselves in all of this. I think this also goes into becoming dependent upon our owner's which my Mistress knows is my biggest fear in these kinds of relationships. And it's also something that she refuses to allow to happen within our relationship. Another thing I'm thankful to her for.
Anyhow, if anyone has any opinions on this, I'd love to hear it.
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