A day late..

And a dollar short? Drats! I need all the dollars I can get right now. Heh!

No, seriously, I was suppose to blog yesterday but I've been ill again. Still am today and was even sent home from work early because of it. I'm just now feeling well enough to really sit here and try to form some coherent thoughts.

So there isn't a whole lot to say right now as far as what is going on with my relationship with Mistress and Sir, because of the holidays and other things going on outside of the relationship. However, a few days ago I was reading through luna's blog at her Thursday Questions. I figured I'd go back through them and discuss some of them here periodically when there isn't much else to talk about, like now.

Here's the one I chose for today.
Everyone gets angry, but as a submissive how do you convey that anger? What ways do you release the anger? What if you are angry with your partner? How do you safely express your feelings without regrets?

I can honestly say that I've never been angry with Mistress. Granted, there have been times when I've felt frustrated when we are having trouble communicating to one another, but that's not very often. And when it does happen, we both try to take a step back, breathe and then try to explain things to the other person in a different way. It works more times than it doesn't.

Also, I know that if for some reason I ever do become angry with Mistress that she would wish for me to tell her. But I wouldn't just be allowed to yell or scream it at her. I would do my best to approach her calmly and rationally, and then discuss whatever the situation was together and come to common ground.

If I'm angry with others, there is a very specific way that Mistress has me deal with it which involves writing it out - why I'm angry, what happened to make me angry or hurt, and to truly forgive the person and write that out as well. It helps me immensely to be able to release pent up anger and hurt. Sometimes, too, she might have me write the person a letter, or speak directly to them. It's all about taking back your own power, and not handing it out for others to use and abuse. And it works.

Should Rules Be Ignored?

I actually am not at all sure what to write about today. Not a whole lot has been going on since I blogged last Wednesday. I've spent a lot of time with my family and preparing things for work and Mistress has been busy with her family as well. I know it will be like this a lot in the coming weeks and possibly months because of the holidays and such. But the time that I have had with my Mistress has been great. It's been relaxing and just us talking about various things. I think we need those times just as much as any other, more intense times that we have together. We're balanced and I'm so glad for that.

So, I've thought about something recently and thought maybe I should write about here. It has nothing to do with my relationship with Mistress and Sir, but something I've observed in some other lifestyle relationships and I'm just curious about it.

I've watched many dominants and submissives entering into new relationships together and they agree on the outset about rules and such that the submissive will have through the relationship. Then as they progress through their time together, the submissive will break one of the rules and even though the dominant most likely realizes this, they do nothing about it. No punishment, no outward acknowledgment of it.

I just wonder at the wisdom, or lack thereof, in this. How does it affect the relationship?

It could be that the dominant is waiting to see if the submissive will come to them and say that they broke a rule, or that the submissive is waiting and hoping that the dominant didn't notice and therefor won't punish him/her. It could be any number of things, right?

I, personally, would not wish to be in a relationship like that. Just not my cup of tea. I need to know that no matter what the rules are the rules and aren't to be broken, and if they are then there will be consequences for it. I need those clear boundaries.

Anyone out there have any comments about any of this? I'm curious to hear what others might think.

Schedule and Routines

It is subject to change at any time, mainly when I get another job, but also anytime my Mistress wishes to change it, so when that happens I'll post updates on the changes.

Monday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8am - job search, take lunch
Noon - break for lunch - ½ hour
2-2:30pm - return home, laundry, pick up house, dust on the go, dishes at sink
3:30pm - blog (submission)
4:15pm - bathroom and living room are cleaned, vacuumed
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed

Tuesday
5:30am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast (every other week allowed fast food breakfast)
6am - bath routine
7am - take trash out, go to work
9am - light snack
Noon - lunch - homemade
3:30-5pm - errands
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink (except every other week when doing other job, can eat out those times. If doing other job, may read in car for ½ hour and work out muscle groups)
6pm - visit my niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour (every week not doing other job)
8pm - (or when home from other job) take meds and chat online. (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:45pm - go to bed.

Wednesday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8:15am - masturbate for at least ½ hour, an hour if wrist allows (orgasm as much as time allows - NO sounds allowed!)
9:15am-noon - work online, check email and anything else needed online
Noon - eat lunch
1pm - start laundry, dust your room and pick up around the house
3-3:30pm - blog in all blogs, read other blogs if done early. No chatting!
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed

Thursday
5:45am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
6am - bath routine
7am - go to work
9am - light snack
Noon - lunch - homemade
3:30-5pm - errands (don’t have errands, you may chat online, read, etc.)
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:45pm - go to bed

Friday
6am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast
7am - bath routine (shave legs)
8am - job hunt, take lunch
Noon - ½ break for lunch
2-2:30pm - return home, start laundry
3pm - blog (forgiveness)
4pm - organize, clean out, toss stuff, set aside for garage sale or charity
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - read for ½ hour while doing warm up, then exercise for 2nd ½ hour
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - masturbate, two orgasms before sleeping! (NO sounds allowed!) (Sleep with tv or radio on)

Saturday
8am - wake up, weigh/measure yourself and record for blog, take vitamins, eat breakfast
9am - bath routine (shave pubic hair today), pamper yourself with bubble bath or bath fizzies
10am - deep cleaning routine
Noon - ½ break for lunch, check laundry and switch
1pm - finish deep cleaning routine
2pm - learn something new with your spirituality
3pm - RELAX! Do anything you want (chat, read, do a hobby, phone calls)
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - relax/chat online (can have a light snack)
9pm - take meds
10:45pm - bedtime routine
11-11:15pm - go to bed (sleep with tv or radio on)

Sunday
8am - wake up, take vitamins, eat breakfast, bath routine
9am - Study to become a fly lady
Noon - half hour for lunch. Check laundry. Take pics of house to show Mistress my progress.
1pm - spiritual time - learn something new for first hour, 2nd hour can be “prayer” time.
3pm - blog (health one)
4pm - spend time with dad, if he’s home. If not, spend it with niece, taking her for a walk. Clean up the yard and weather proof the house - spend as much time outside as possible
5pm - cook dinner, eat, dishes at sink
6pm - visit niece
7pm - start weekly menu. Prepare anything you can now.
8pm - take meds, chat online (can have a light snack)
9:15pm- masturbate - 2 orgasms (NO sounds allowed!)
9:45pm - bedtime routine
10-10:15pm - go to bed.

Bath routine
Bathe, wash hair, exfoliate, shave legs Mon, Wed, Fri, brush/floss teeth, put on make up, dry hair, style hair, get dressed, do mantra in your room, shave pubic area on Saturdays.

Bedtime routine
Set out food for next day, set out clothing for next day (iron if needed), collect all trash and dishes and wash quickly, if trash is full set the bag by the door to take out in the morning, check laundry if any, wash face, brush/floss teeth, moisturize, lotion yourself up, brush hair out and pull into ponytail, check vaporizers, put on pj’s, candles/incense are out, turn down heat or a/c, lock doors, turn all lights off (computer too!), go to sleep!

Other Rules
Wear make up daily! (powder, eye shadow, liner, mascara, blush, lip gloss, or light lipstick)
Wear some kind of shoes daily, even in the house
Wear a bra daily at least until 5pm
Every time you pee, you must play with yourself for 30 seconds
Drink 24 oz. water before you have 1 glass of tea. Try to drink 72 oz water daily (four and a half bottles of water)
Exercise daily - at least 15 mins of heart pumping, then can do yoga or something else with it
Between 8am and 3pm, Mistress is sculpting. Try not to contact her during this time unless it’s an emergency.

Thinking things through

Well, I've not done as well with blogging as I had originally hoped, but I am not giving up. I will get into a routine with it soon and then I'll feel even better about it. The last week has just been really crazy for me, so I haven't had all that much time to blog anyhow.

But, here I am now.

My Mistress and I are working together on some rules and a routine for me. One new rule that I have is that I'm not allowed to speak negatively about myself anymore. If I start to feel like I am going to, or if I do, then I have to say something positive about myself, or attract something positive for our relationship. When she first told me this new rule, I was very afraid that I would fail. But, I knew that I would do my best with it and even though it's only been two days, I believe that I've done well. And I think I'm happier, in a way, because of it.

They say that the more you smile, even if it's forced, the better you will feel and then you'll want to smile and it won't be forced. I think it could be the same with saying positive things. The more you say positive things, they happier you will be because you're thinking about good things instead of bad things and that will only bring even more good things to fruition. (Yes, Mistress, I know it's the Law of Attraction, and I'm still learning that. :) It's a process for me, apparently.)

I know that I have to get myself together and fast. Without going into all that much detail about my personal life...I am searching for a job. I need one, desperately. And as my Mistress said the other day, "It's time to sink or swim. Which will it be?"

Well, I have a fear of drowning, so I certainly will not be sinking. I will swim, even if I have to learn a new way of breathing. That's my only option. Sinking may be an option for some people, but it's not for me. If I am to be positive, then it will apply to everything I do (which I know is what my Mistress intended, anyhow.)

I admit that I'm nervous. I want rules and routines and know that I need that. But, as my Mistress and I have talked about before, I don't want to become dependent on her, or the relationship. I don't want to lose myself in it. She doesn't want that either. She talks about micro-managing me, or really, my time. And that has always made me anxious, because I feel like micro-managing makes people dependent. I've actually never brought this up with my Mistress, simply because I know her well enough to know that is not her intention, nor how she views it.

Well, a few nights ago, I asked her if she would give me rules about shaving, doing my nails and wearing my glasses. I was in a sort of frenzied state and felt unbalanced because of some things that have absolutely nothing to do with her, or our relationship. I don't really want rules about those things. I think that would just be too much for me and I would probably end up resenting her for it, when I'm the one that asked for it. All it took was her saying that she would have to think about it because that seemed like micro-micro-managing to her and reiterated again that she doesn't want me to become dependent on her, nor will she allow it. As soon as she said it, I realized that I just felt disconnected (from myself, really) and needed a reality check. I'm grateful to my Mistress for that.

I need rules and boundaries, but not so much that it stifles who I am, and I know that my Mistress does and will continue to give me that. So then why do I feel nervous?

I think a lot of it because we have been friends for many years. It was always in a lifestyle context, but still, we were friends first. And even though I have felt like I belonged to her for longer than I technically have, it's..different..to kind of switch gears from friends to Mistress and submissive. Sometimes, I am unsure how to say things in a submissive manner, instead of a friend manner. Or how to act. For the most part, everything just comes naturally with her and I, and I love that. But this sometimes trips me up.

I need help with it. I admit it, finally.

I'm horrible at admitting that I need help with something and my Mistress knows that. I'm trying to work on that, and I suppose this is my first step. I need help transitioning from one to the other. I feel like I'm making it harder than it should be and if I were to guess, she will most likely agree. I do that really well though! Make things harder than they really are, or should be.

Well, I suppose that's it for now. I just got lost in my thoughts about this and don't know what more to write.

~Be well, readers.