I know this will be short because I don't really have anything to say at the moment. Mistress and I are both doing well, though adjusting to some new meds on both our parts. Our lives have both been very busy lately due to the holiday season.
Oh I did have a pretty cool dream a few nights ago, where She and I were snuggled together in bed. We were spooning, with my back against her chest, and she had made sure that I was entirely nude. We talked until we weren't making sense and then as we told each other goodnight she slide one of her hands down between my thighs to cup my sex and whispered against my ear that I was to remain like that all night long so that I might be reminded that she owns every part of me. In the dream, I barely slept at all because her show of dominance and ownership over me had me floating all night. When I woke from the dream for real, I actually felt like it had really happened and just lay in bed thinking about it for a while.
Now that's in my head again!
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Another Thursday Questions
Looking to the future, how do you see yourself changing in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?
OR
Looking to the past, what changes have you gone though from 1 year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years?
I know it says -or-, but I think I am going to answer both!
First, I'll answer for the past.
One year ago, I didn't have a job and thought life wasn't worth living. I was severely depressed and didn't want to do anything.
Five years ago, I was still in college and working my butt off to keep my grades up so that I could graduate on time! :)
Ten years ago (from today), I had no clue I would lose my mom two weeks later. And when I did it sent me into a downward spiral of the worst sort of depression I've ever experienced. Even worse than a year ago. I'm amazed that I made it through that time with as much sanity as I did. I love you Mom!
Now, for the future.
In one year, I expect myself to have a well paying job that I love, have my diabetes under control and have lost most, if not all the weight that I need to lose!
In five years, I expect to still have that job, still have diabetes under control and to have kept the weight off. I also expect to be living with (or much closer) to Mistress and Sir and to have deepened our relationship even further. I will hopefully be doing volunteer work, perhaps with a group that advocates for people with disabilities. :)
And, in ten years, all of the above, plus I expect to have decided if I wish to have children of my own, adopt, or not. And if not, then I wish to maybe be a foster parent, or to donate regularly to an organization that helps children in need. By then Mistress' business will be soaring! And I'll help her with that as much as she wishes. :)
OR
Looking to the past, what changes have you gone though from 1 year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years?
I know it says -or-, but I think I am going to answer both!
First, I'll answer for the past.
One year ago, I didn't have a job and thought life wasn't worth living. I was severely depressed and didn't want to do anything.
Five years ago, I was still in college and working my butt off to keep my grades up so that I could graduate on time! :)
Ten years ago (from today), I had no clue I would lose my mom two weeks later. And when I did it sent me into a downward spiral of the worst sort of depression I've ever experienced. Even worse than a year ago. I'm amazed that I made it through that time with as much sanity as I did. I love you Mom!
Now, for the future.
In one year, I expect myself to have a well paying job that I love, have my diabetes under control and have lost most, if not all the weight that I need to lose!
In five years, I expect to still have that job, still have diabetes under control and to have kept the weight off. I also expect to be living with (or much closer) to Mistress and Sir and to have deepened our relationship even further. I will hopefully be doing volunteer work, perhaps with a group that advocates for people with disabilities. :)
And, in ten years, all of the above, plus I expect to have decided if I wish to have children of my own, adopt, or not. And if not, then I wish to maybe be a foster parent, or to donate regularly to an organization that helps children in need. By then Mistress' business will be soaring! And I'll help her with that as much as she wishes. :)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Just another dream
I have a little extra time in my schedule right now and figured that I would come on here to write out a dream I had last night. Mistress has expressed to me that she would like to see me writing them out here in my blog, so I'll be doing more of that as I have them, in addition to writing about what is going on with us.
The Dream
Mistress and I had been planning a big shopping trip to the city for a few weeks now and the day had finally arrived. We woke up early to head out for our exciting day, and Mistress told me to go get the wireless vibe toy and slide it in. *gulps* She always has the remote with her and I'm not allowed to touch it. (In the dream at least, we don't really have a toy like that.) I did as Mistress said and then we set off to head into the city.
As we drove she would periodically turn it on low and torment me by telling me how dirty I am, and how I really am her cum slut. Every time I would get squirmy and start begging to be allowed to release, she would deny me and turn it off so that I could relax for a short while and calm down. By the time we got to the mall in the city, I was so horny and wet that I wasn't even sure I could get out of the car and walk without people thinking something weird was going on with me. Somehow, I managed it, though.
We went from store to store in the mall and Mistress would turn it on every so often there as well, though we were much more discrete in the stores than we had been in the car. It got to the point that every time she turned it on I would freeze and pray that I wouldn't release without permission first.
At noon, we made our way to the food court in the mall and while we ate Mistress asked me if I wanted release. I whimpered and rocked forward in my chair, quietly begging her to allow it. She told me she would allow me release only if while we continued shopping I would ask ten different people (half men, and half women) if they had ever worn a sex toy under their clothing while in public. Normally, I would be too embarrassed to even think about going up to strangers to even ask where a restroom is, much less something so intimate and personal. However, in the frenzied and wanton state Mistress had so effectively put me in, I didn't care about being embarrassed. I only wanted and needed release.
For the rest of the afternoon, I scoped out random strangers and walked up to them as confidently as I possibly could to ask them what Mistress wished me to ask them. She stood far enough away to not be totally obvious, though close enough to hear what I said and their responses. While I spoke to the strangers, Mistress would randomly turn the vibe on to torment me even worse and I would flush deeper and try not to whimper and squirm against it.
Unfortunately, I woke up before I made it through the ten strangers, so I don't know if I was ever allowed the release that I so desperately needed. Go figure! *laughs* But, still, it was a nice dream!
The Dream
Mistress and I had been planning a big shopping trip to the city for a few weeks now and the day had finally arrived. We woke up early to head out for our exciting day, and Mistress told me to go get the wireless vibe toy and slide it in. *gulps* She always has the remote with her and I'm not allowed to touch it. (In the dream at least, we don't really have a toy like that.) I did as Mistress said and then we set off to head into the city.
As we drove she would periodically turn it on low and torment me by telling me how dirty I am, and how I really am her cum slut. Every time I would get squirmy and start begging to be allowed to release, she would deny me and turn it off so that I could relax for a short while and calm down. By the time we got to the mall in the city, I was so horny and wet that I wasn't even sure I could get out of the car and walk without people thinking something weird was going on with me. Somehow, I managed it, though.
We went from store to store in the mall and Mistress would turn it on every so often there as well, though we were much more discrete in the stores than we had been in the car. It got to the point that every time she turned it on I would freeze and pray that I wouldn't release without permission first.
At noon, we made our way to the food court in the mall and while we ate Mistress asked me if I wanted release. I whimpered and rocked forward in my chair, quietly begging her to allow it. She told me she would allow me release only if while we continued shopping I would ask ten different people (half men, and half women) if they had ever worn a sex toy under their clothing while in public. Normally, I would be too embarrassed to even think about going up to strangers to even ask where a restroom is, much less something so intimate and personal. However, in the frenzied and wanton state Mistress had so effectively put me in, I didn't care about being embarrassed. I only wanted and needed release.
For the rest of the afternoon, I scoped out random strangers and walked up to them as confidently as I possibly could to ask them what Mistress wished me to ask them. She stood far enough away to not be totally obvious, though close enough to hear what I said and their responses. While I spoke to the strangers, Mistress would randomly turn the vibe on to torment me even worse and I would flush deeper and try not to whimper and squirm against it.
Unfortunately, I woke up before I made it through the ten strangers, so I don't know if I was ever allowed the release that I so desperately needed. Go figure! *laughs* But, still, it was a nice dream!
Monday, October 6, 2008
My, oh my!
My, oh my, where to start.
Well, a few days ago my Mistress and I had a long conversation that wasn't all that pleasant. She has tried and tried to help me with my self-esteem and to build it up to where it should be, instead of where it is. And I haven't really made any head way with it, which is extremely frustrating to her. She told me it makes her feel like she has failed me as my Mistress and that until I quit going back to what others I've been with in the past drilled into my head, I can never fully submit to her. That hurts. Badly. And I hate it, but I know she is right.
So, I know I was already suppose to be doing this, and I was - sometimes, just not all the time - I am no longer going to allow fear, worry or negativity in my head. If it tries to worm its way in, then it will be shot down right then and there. Every bit of it. A friend of mine, who I will call Angel, and I both have the same problem. And we're both submissive. Her Owner (I'll call him, Bear.) and mine are friends, I am friends with him as well, and all that good stuff. Well, her and I have decided that we will help one another with this and every day we are going to come up with three things for that particular day that we happy with about ourselves. Then we have to share them with each other. We're going to encourage one another along the way in this, and some other things as well that have nothing to do with out submission. I'm so glad I have someone that is in a somewhat similar boat as me.
Anyhow, I feel like this was a turning point for me and my Mistress. Even though I haven't accomplished it yet, I know that I will and when I do I will be able to completely give my whole self over to her. Something that I've wanted for a very long time.
So here goes the law of attraction in practice. I love myself!
On another note, I have had some very vivid dreams of late. In large part because of things my Mistress has said to me recently. And some of them are just too good not to write about. So I hope you enjoy a glimpse into my mind.
Dream 1: Mistress and I are in an alley, behind a school (either high school or college) and she has me completely naked and down on my hands and knees on the hard pebbly alley ground. She is dressed in something that looks similar to a school girl outfit and has a frat paddle in her hands. She tells me that I've been naughty and she's going to spank me right there, but that I am not allowed to make even a tiny sound or I'll be punished. So as the swats of the paddle get harder and harder, I start to scream with each one, which only makes her spank me even harder, while telling me again to be quiet. I'm so loud that a cop shows up and tells us that he is going to arrest us both. But I don't want him to arrest my Mistress, so I crawl to him and beg him not to arrest her and tell him that I'll do anything, anything at all if he will just let her go. So he makes me suck his cock right there in the alley, in front of my Mistress. He throat fucked me so hard that I gagged and Mistress was upset with me over it, so she spanked me again. I was a sobbing mess by the time it was over. He blindfolded me and put me into his police car to take me to jail. When the blindfold came off, I found myself in my Owner's home, locked in a cage for the night. Sir was the cop that I had to get off and I didn't realize it until now.
Dream 2: In this one, I am asleep in my bedroom in my Owner's home and Mistress and Sir come in. They blindfold me and tie my hands behind my back, then one of them fucks me in the ass and the other fucks my cunt. There was nothing I could do about it, other than just take it.
Dream 3: Similar to the 2nd one, but after they gag me, they tied me to the bed on my belly, with pillows under my hips and between my legs. Then they proceeded to fuck each other and I was told to hump the pillows but not to cum. I couldn't hold back though and ended up cumming. They "punished" me by making me clean his cock and balls and her cunt with my tongue.
Well, there you have it. A look into my mind and what goes on in it at times. Granted, these were all sort of planted there by things my Mistress has said to me, but parts of it were just my imagination running wild.
Well, a few days ago my Mistress and I had a long conversation that wasn't all that pleasant. She has tried and tried to help me with my self-esteem and to build it up to where it should be, instead of where it is. And I haven't really made any head way with it, which is extremely frustrating to her. She told me it makes her feel like she has failed me as my Mistress and that until I quit going back to what others I've been with in the past drilled into my head, I can never fully submit to her. That hurts. Badly. And I hate it, but I know she is right.
So, I know I was already suppose to be doing this, and I was - sometimes, just not all the time - I am no longer going to allow fear, worry or negativity in my head. If it tries to worm its way in, then it will be shot down right then and there. Every bit of it. A friend of mine, who I will call Angel, and I both have the same problem. And we're both submissive. Her Owner (I'll call him, Bear.) and mine are friends, I am friends with him as well, and all that good stuff. Well, her and I have decided that we will help one another with this and every day we are going to come up with three things for that particular day that we happy with about ourselves. Then we have to share them with each other. We're going to encourage one another along the way in this, and some other things as well that have nothing to do with out submission. I'm so glad I have someone that is in a somewhat similar boat as me.
Anyhow, I feel like this was a turning point for me and my Mistress. Even though I haven't accomplished it yet, I know that I will and when I do I will be able to completely give my whole self over to her. Something that I've wanted for a very long time.
So here goes the law of attraction in practice. I love myself!
On another note, I have had some very vivid dreams of late. In large part because of things my Mistress has said to me recently. And some of them are just too good not to write about. So I hope you enjoy a glimpse into my mind.
Dream 1: Mistress and I are in an alley, behind a school (either high school or college) and she has me completely naked and down on my hands and knees on the hard pebbly alley ground. She is dressed in something that looks similar to a school girl outfit and has a frat paddle in her hands. She tells me that I've been naughty and she's going to spank me right there, but that I am not allowed to make even a tiny sound or I'll be punished. So as the swats of the paddle get harder and harder, I start to scream with each one, which only makes her spank me even harder, while telling me again to be quiet. I'm so loud that a cop shows up and tells us that he is going to arrest us both. But I don't want him to arrest my Mistress, so I crawl to him and beg him not to arrest her and tell him that I'll do anything, anything at all if he will just let her go. So he makes me suck his cock right there in the alley, in front of my Mistress. He throat fucked me so hard that I gagged and Mistress was upset with me over it, so she spanked me again. I was a sobbing mess by the time it was over. He blindfolded me and put me into his police car to take me to jail. When the blindfold came off, I found myself in my Owner's home, locked in a cage for the night. Sir was the cop that I had to get off and I didn't realize it until now.
Dream 2: In this one, I am asleep in my bedroom in my Owner's home and Mistress and Sir come in. They blindfold me and tie my hands behind my back, then one of them fucks me in the ass and the other fucks my cunt. There was nothing I could do about it, other than just take it.
Dream 3: Similar to the 2nd one, but after they gag me, they tied me to the bed on my belly, with pillows under my hips and between my legs. Then they proceeded to fuck each other and I was told to hump the pillows but not to cum. I couldn't hold back though and ended up cumming. They "punished" me by making me clean his cock and balls and her cunt with my tongue.
Well, there you have it. A look into my mind and what goes on in it at times. Granted, these were all sort of planted there by things my Mistress has said to me, but parts of it were just my imagination running wild.
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