Hiding

It's been quite a while since I've blogged here again. This time its because I have a new job and tomorrow is the first day I've had off in 27 days, so I've been just a tad bit exhausted. Alright, so a lot exhausted, but who's keeping track?

Anyhow, I'm going to try yet again to get back into the routine of blogging twice a week, but we'll see how it goes. It's not scheduled in on my new schedule (that I remember, though I very well might be wrong), but I know Mistress still wishes me to do it.

Speaking of, she has asked me to write an entry about hiding. Perhaps not 'hiding' in the sense that many would think of, or maybe in the lifestyle we lead there are others that would know exactly what I'm referring too.

I have a tendency to 'hide' myself when I'm feeling embarrassed or shy. I'll most often divert my eyes though there have been times where I've been known to actually bury my face in my hands. As if doing either of those will make the embarrassment go away or something. Though it never does.

I know this is something that Mistress wishes for me to stop doing, because it doesn't allow her to 'see' all of me when I do it. I have it in my head that if she can't see my eyes, then she can't know what I'm thinking or feeling, yet some part of me knows that isn't true at all.

Mistress wishes me to examine why I feel like I need to hide sometimes and to also see if I can figure out some ways to keep from doing so.

All I can really think of is that I hide when I feel like I've been 'bad' and am about to be in trouble, or am in trouble, when I am forced to speak about certain sexual things and get insanely embarrassed, or sometimes when I'm sad. Some part of me thinks I hide myself because I don't want Mistress to see how things really affect me because I know my eyes give everything away, and another part thinks that I do it simply out of habit. It's worse at times when we're exploring my submission at deeper levels and I have no clue as why.

As to how I could keep from hiding..well, sometimes I can control it and grit my teeth or sit on my hands to keep from it. But there are times, the times that I give in to it, that the embarrassment is too great to keep from at the very least lowering my eyes as a blush spreads quickly over me. That part I'm at a loss as to how to stop doing, it just feels like instinct to me. As far as actually covering my face with my hands, if I just try to really concentrate when those times arise, I think I could control myself, though I know that my eyes would lower. There's even been times when I get that embarrassed feeling and it brings tears to my eyes.

I don't understand it nor even pretend too.

If anyone out there has any ideas about this or a story of how they've overcome their shyness, I would love to hear from you! For the most part, I'm at a loss.