Simply because of things going on in my life today, I have decided to speak about another of luna's Thursday Questions instead of just free-writing. Maybe it's a sort of cop-out, but I don't wish my blog to be tinged with certain things here that truly have nothing to do with my relationship with Mistress.
The question:
How important is the phrase, “Good Girl” to you? How do you feel when it is said? Do you have other words of praise that you love to hear from your owner?
Mistress doesn't say good girl to me very often, so when she does I know it's because I did something exceptionally well. However, she uses other words that I believe have a much deeper impact on me than that does. Some of those are dirty girl, cunt whore, dirty whore, fuck puppy, slut puppy, and various other similar "pet names". I think those words send me into a deeper mind frame than good girl does, oddly enough. And I think it has a lot to do with the sound of her voice when she says them. I can feel the pride in her when she calls me those names. I can with good girl as well, but it's different somehow, and I'm not sure how to explain it really. The feeling I get when Mistress uses those names with me is one of pure ownership and love. Not love like many people would think, though, as Mistress and I have a very different kind of relationship. We love one another, very deeply, but it's not at all a sexual love. Which tends to confuse some people, but it works for us. It also gives me a feeling of humiliation, even if there is no one else there but the two of us. I feel humiliated or embarrassed that she sees certain things in me like that. Things that most people who know me have no clue about and would guess. The way Mistress says certain things can have me floating around in head space probably faster than most other things. *Grins* I think she tends to enjoy that as much as I do.
Showing posts with label humiliation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humiliation. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Just another dream
I have a little extra time in my schedule right now and figured that I would come on here to write out a dream I had last night. Mistress has expressed to me that she would like to see me writing them out here in my blog, so I'll be doing more of that as I have them, in addition to writing about what is going on with us.
The Dream
Mistress and I had been planning a big shopping trip to the city for a few weeks now and the day had finally arrived. We woke up early to head out for our exciting day, and Mistress told me to go get the wireless vibe toy and slide it in. *gulps* She always has the remote with her and I'm not allowed to touch it. (In the dream at least, we don't really have a toy like that.) I did as Mistress said and then we set off to head into the city.
As we drove she would periodically turn it on low and torment me by telling me how dirty I am, and how I really am her cum slut. Every time I would get squirmy and start begging to be allowed to release, she would deny me and turn it off so that I could relax for a short while and calm down. By the time we got to the mall in the city, I was so horny and wet that I wasn't even sure I could get out of the car and walk without people thinking something weird was going on with me. Somehow, I managed it, though.
We went from store to store in the mall and Mistress would turn it on every so often there as well, though we were much more discrete in the stores than we had been in the car. It got to the point that every time she turned it on I would freeze and pray that I wouldn't release without permission first.
At noon, we made our way to the food court in the mall and while we ate Mistress asked me if I wanted release. I whimpered and rocked forward in my chair, quietly begging her to allow it. She told me she would allow me release only if while we continued shopping I would ask ten different people (half men, and half women) if they had ever worn a sex toy under their clothing while in public. Normally, I would be too embarrassed to even think about going up to strangers to even ask where a restroom is, much less something so intimate and personal. However, in the frenzied and wanton state Mistress had so effectively put me in, I didn't care about being embarrassed. I only wanted and needed release.
For the rest of the afternoon, I scoped out random strangers and walked up to them as confidently as I possibly could to ask them what Mistress wished me to ask them. She stood far enough away to not be totally obvious, though close enough to hear what I said and their responses. While I spoke to the strangers, Mistress would randomly turn the vibe on to torment me even worse and I would flush deeper and try not to whimper and squirm against it.
Unfortunately, I woke up before I made it through the ten strangers, so I don't know if I was ever allowed the release that I so desperately needed. Go figure! *laughs* But, still, it was a nice dream!
The Dream
Mistress and I had been planning a big shopping trip to the city for a few weeks now and the day had finally arrived. We woke up early to head out for our exciting day, and Mistress told me to go get the wireless vibe toy and slide it in. *gulps* She always has the remote with her and I'm not allowed to touch it. (In the dream at least, we don't really have a toy like that.) I did as Mistress said and then we set off to head into the city.
As we drove she would periodically turn it on low and torment me by telling me how dirty I am, and how I really am her cum slut. Every time I would get squirmy and start begging to be allowed to release, she would deny me and turn it off so that I could relax for a short while and calm down. By the time we got to the mall in the city, I was so horny and wet that I wasn't even sure I could get out of the car and walk without people thinking something weird was going on with me. Somehow, I managed it, though.
We went from store to store in the mall and Mistress would turn it on every so often there as well, though we were much more discrete in the stores than we had been in the car. It got to the point that every time she turned it on I would freeze and pray that I wouldn't release without permission first.
At noon, we made our way to the food court in the mall and while we ate Mistress asked me if I wanted release. I whimpered and rocked forward in my chair, quietly begging her to allow it. She told me she would allow me release only if while we continued shopping I would ask ten different people (half men, and half women) if they had ever worn a sex toy under their clothing while in public. Normally, I would be too embarrassed to even think about going up to strangers to even ask where a restroom is, much less something so intimate and personal. However, in the frenzied and wanton state Mistress had so effectively put me in, I didn't care about being embarrassed. I only wanted and needed release.
For the rest of the afternoon, I scoped out random strangers and walked up to them as confidently as I possibly could to ask them what Mistress wished me to ask them. She stood far enough away to not be totally obvious, though close enough to hear what I said and their responses. While I spoke to the strangers, Mistress would randomly turn the vibe on to torment me even worse and I would flush deeper and try not to whimper and squirm against it.
Unfortunately, I woke up before I made it through the ten strangers, so I don't know if I was ever allowed the release that I so desperately needed. Go figure! *laughs* But, still, it was a nice dream!
Monday, October 6, 2008
My, oh my!
My, oh my, where to start.
Well, a few days ago my Mistress and I had a long conversation that wasn't all that pleasant. She has tried and tried to help me with my self-esteem and to build it up to where it should be, instead of where it is. And I haven't really made any head way with it, which is extremely frustrating to her. She told me it makes her feel like she has failed me as my Mistress and that until I quit going back to what others I've been with in the past drilled into my head, I can never fully submit to her. That hurts. Badly. And I hate it, but I know she is right.
So, I know I was already suppose to be doing this, and I was - sometimes, just not all the time - I am no longer going to allow fear, worry or negativity in my head. If it tries to worm its way in, then it will be shot down right then and there. Every bit of it. A friend of mine, who I will call Angel, and I both have the same problem. And we're both submissive. Her Owner (I'll call him, Bear.) and mine are friends, I am friends with him as well, and all that good stuff. Well, her and I have decided that we will help one another with this and every day we are going to come up with three things for that particular day that we happy with about ourselves. Then we have to share them with each other. We're going to encourage one another along the way in this, and some other things as well that have nothing to do with out submission. I'm so glad I have someone that is in a somewhat similar boat as me.
Anyhow, I feel like this was a turning point for me and my Mistress. Even though I haven't accomplished it yet, I know that I will and when I do I will be able to completely give my whole self over to her. Something that I've wanted for a very long time.
So here goes the law of attraction in practice. I love myself!
On another note, I have had some very vivid dreams of late. In large part because of things my Mistress has said to me recently. And some of them are just too good not to write about. So I hope you enjoy a glimpse into my mind.
Dream 1: Mistress and I are in an alley, behind a school (either high school or college) and she has me completely naked and down on my hands and knees on the hard pebbly alley ground. She is dressed in something that looks similar to a school girl outfit and has a frat paddle in her hands. She tells me that I've been naughty and she's going to spank me right there, but that I am not allowed to make even a tiny sound or I'll be punished. So as the swats of the paddle get harder and harder, I start to scream with each one, which only makes her spank me even harder, while telling me again to be quiet. I'm so loud that a cop shows up and tells us that he is going to arrest us both. But I don't want him to arrest my Mistress, so I crawl to him and beg him not to arrest her and tell him that I'll do anything, anything at all if he will just let her go. So he makes me suck his cock right there in the alley, in front of my Mistress. He throat fucked me so hard that I gagged and Mistress was upset with me over it, so she spanked me again. I was a sobbing mess by the time it was over. He blindfolded me and put me into his police car to take me to jail. When the blindfold came off, I found myself in my Owner's home, locked in a cage for the night. Sir was the cop that I had to get off and I didn't realize it until now.
Dream 2: In this one, I am asleep in my bedroom in my Owner's home and Mistress and Sir come in. They blindfold me and tie my hands behind my back, then one of them fucks me in the ass and the other fucks my cunt. There was nothing I could do about it, other than just take it.
Dream 3: Similar to the 2nd one, but after they gag me, they tied me to the bed on my belly, with pillows under my hips and between my legs. Then they proceeded to fuck each other and I was told to hump the pillows but not to cum. I couldn't hold back though and ended up cumming. They "punished" me by making me clean his cock and balls and her cunt with my tongue.
Well, there you have it. A look into my mind and what goes on in it at times. Granted, these were all sort of planted there by things my Mistress has said to me, but parts of it were just my imagination running wild.
Well, a few days ago my Mistress and I had a long conversation that wasn't all that pleasant. She has tried and tried to help me with my self-esteem and to build it up to where it should be, instead of where it is. And I haven't really made any head way with it, which is extremely frustrating to her. She told me it makes her feel like she has failed me as my Mistress and that until I quit going back to what others I've been with in the past drilled into my head, I can never fully submit to her. That hurts. Badly. And I hate it, but I know she is right.
So, I know I was already suppose to be doing this, and I was - sometimes, just not all the time - I am no longer going to allow fear, worry or negativity in my head. If it tries to worm its way in, then it will be shot down right then and there. Every bit of it. A friend of mine, who I will call Angel, and I both have the same problem. And we're both submissive. Her Owner (I'll call him, Bear.) and mine are friends, I am friends with him as well, and all that good stuff. Well, her and I have decided that we will help one another with this and every day we are going to come up with three things for that particular day that we happy with about ourselves. Then we have to share them with each other. We're going to encourage one another along the way in this, and some other things as well that have nothing to do with out submission. I'm so glad I have someone that is in a somewhat similar boat as me.
Anyhow, I feel like this was a turning point for me and my Mistress. Even though I haven't accomplished it yet, I know that I will and when I do I will be able to completely give my whole self over to her. Something that I've wanted for a very long time.
So here goes the law of attraction in practice. I love myself!
On another note, I have had some very vivid dreams of late. In large part because of things my Mistress has said to me recently. And some of them are just too good not to write about. So I hope you enjoy a glimpse into my mind.
Dream 1: Mistress and I are in an alley, behind a school (either high school or college) and she has me completely naked and down on my hands and knees on the hard pebbly alley ground. She is dressed in something that looks similar to a school girl outfit and has a frat paddle in her hands. She tells me that I've been naughty and she's going to spank me right there, but that I am not allowed to make even a tiny sound or I'll be punished. So as the swats of the paddle get harder and harder, I start to scream with each one, which only makes her spank me even harder, while telling me again to be quiet. I'm so loud that a cop shows up and tells us that he is going to arrest us both. But I don't want him to arrest my Mistress, so I crawl to him and beg him not to arrest her and tell him that I'll do anything, anything at all if he will just let her go. So he makes me suck his cock right there in the alley, in front of my Mistress. He throat fucked me so hard that I gagged and Mistress was upset with me over it, so she spanked me again. I was a sobbing mess by the time it was over. He blindfolded me and put me into his police car to take me to jail. When the blindfold came off, I found myself in my Owner's home, locked in a cage for the night. Sir was the cop that I had to get off and I didn't realize it until now.
Dream 2: In this one, I am asleep in my bedroom in my Owner's home and Mistress and Sir come in. They blindfold me and tie my hands behind my back, then one of them fucks me in the ass and the other fucks my cunt. There was nothing I could do about it, other than just take it.
Dream 3: Similar to the 2nd one, but after they gag me, they tied me to the bed on my belly, with pillows under my hips and between my legs. Then they proceeded to fuck each other and I was told to hump the pillows but not to cum. I couldn't hold back though and ended up cumming. They "punished" me by making me clean his cock and balls and her cunt with my tongue.
Well, there you have it. A look into my mind and what goes on in it at times. Granted, these were all sort of planted there by things my Mistress has said to me, but parts of it were just my imagination running wild.
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