A Great Analogy

It's been quite an interesting week thus far. Yesterday morning I was late for work and had to deal with some things with my boss that were a little bit frustrating, but pretty much will work themselves out. Then today I over-slept and haven't fell all that great so I haven't got much accomplished.

Despite that, Monday night Mistress and I had a very good conversation. We talked about us, and Sir and how things might progress eventually. During our conversation she actually used the term "Sir" for the first time ever and it really struck a chord with me. Not at all in a bad way, but somehow I just wanted her to keep saying it. I don't know how things will work out, none of us do, and we'll just have to see how it goes and what happens along the way, it's not anything we can force. But I find myself dreaming more and more of him, along with Her and myself. He's been in many of my dreams lately and I find myself enjoying the thought more and more of him someday being my Master. It was so good to talk to Mistress about that and many other things.

I realize now, even moreso, what I've been doing to Her property (to myself). And it's because of an analogy she gave me the other thing. She told me to think about a knick-knack I have, my favorite one and I loved it so much that I bought a special shelf just for it. One day my sister comes over and moves my knick-knack from the shelf and puts in on my desk, turning it so that you can only see part of it, not all of it like you could on the shelf. But I moved it back to the shelf, only to have my sister move it again and tell me that the shelf was ugly and the knick-knack was as well, but that where she put it on the desk it looked a little better. She asked how I would feel and what I would do. So I told her that I'd be upset with my sister for moving my things, and that I would tell her just because she doesn't see the value in my things that I do, doesn't mean that they're ugly or unloveable. It was then that I realized just what she had been trying so hard to tell me lately about myself and how when I put myself down it hurts her because it's like me telling her that the things and people she loves are not important and mean nothing. That I am not important, and mean nothing to her. I was trying to tell her that it's ok to treat me like dirt. And it's not. At all. (I'm not saying that she does, please don't think that.)

I hope so much that I can stop doing this and keep myself where she put me because that is where she wants me to be. Actually, I know that I will do it. There's no other choice. I want nothing more than to make her happy and proud of me. I always wish that she is proud of who and what she owns. She's given me back such a huge part of myself that I can't help but want to do everything in my power to prove my love, loyalty, trust and respect to her. She's given me back the confidence I need in order to be the submissive that used to lurk so deeply inside that very few saw her, or new the depths of her abilities. But Mistress knew that part of me, even more than I did, and she's pulled it out slowly. I think, though, that there is even more than neither of us has ever seen. I look forward to exploring that with her.